The Rising Space
After graduating from Art College, I was tentative about nurturing and sharing my creativity in case I wasn’t good enough. So I shelved my ideas and focused on looking outwards for a place in the world. I worked in the creative industry for nearly a decade before qualifying as an art & design teacher in 2017. Despite some enriching experiences, no one industry felt like home and I often seemed to burn out.
One of the reasons I felt drawn to working in education, was losing my mother in 2015. She was also a teacher so entering the profession reinforced my connection with her. 10 years before she passed away, I nearly lost my own life after a misdiagnosed gangrenous appendix. This decade brought about a hollow sense of loss, grief and anger at what had happened to her, and me. After a subsequent breakdown, I began the long journey of healing and discovery.
In 2019 I decided to take a break from my high-octane job and journeyed to Mexico. I entered a Temazcal ceremonial sweat lodge and emerged understanding that I needed to shift my attention from feeling stuck, frustrated and looking outwards for answers. Instead, I decided to focus on reconnecting with my feminine energy and trust the answers were there.
Most of my adult life, or maybe all my life, I felt that I had tried to fit into pre-defined masculine roles, which left little space to find my niche and work through my physical healing, grief and past traumas. This mainly led to a rise in imposter syndrome, where I found it difficult to maintain my ‘feminine values and a sense of wholeness in a society that's been defined according to masculine values’ – Maureen Murdock, author of The Heroine’s Journey.
Before my experience in Mexico, I had taken part in many different ceremonial gatherings. The transformative power of collective energy was enriching and tapped into a deep sense of empowerment and healing. Over lockdown, I found more time to weave ceremonial practices, meditation, cacao, breath-work, therapy and intention-setting into my weekly routine. This helped to keep me grounded and in touch with my inner voice. As I started to really listen, I noticed how I was talking to myself – unkind, impatient and judgemental. No wonder I burned out in a society where I felt I couldn’t be openly vulnerable, and then there was my own voice telling me to push hard, get on and criticised me when I struggled. I decided to adopt a more compassionate tone to softly challenge my inner critic’s opinions. I had to be my own champion.
I began to live more vulnerably, embracing my grief and struggles. I developed a kindness to self-soothe and was able to offer myself the mothering I was missing. Living vulnerably also meant that I was able to be honest about the inevitable dips in the wave. The human condition is an unfolding and sometimes painful process, but there are tools you can forge to lean on in those difficult moments. And remembering that nothing is permanent can be comforting.
It was around this time that I realised I had always been a facilitator of other people’s dreams and aspirations and in the process, forgotten my own. I decided to stop trying to fit into moulds and positions which made me feel small and instead take a risk and carve out my own space.
I slowly reconnected with my art and writing. They became vehicles for me to push through uncomfortable moments of self-doubt and anxiety in order to realise my intentions.
As I started to feel more open, connected and receptive, I felt the calling to hold space to lift others. I trained with Anoushka Florence of The Goddess Space to hold women’s gatherings. When we finally came out of lockdown, I hosted my first gathering in the lead up to the New Moon. We shared and held space for each other, while shedding what no longer served us. As I sat watching these strong women rise, I knew I had birthed something beautiful in me, and for the first time found a tribe and space where I belonged.
Welcome to The Rising Space, where together we can reconnect, restore & rise.