The art of failure

‘Now that I know what I want, I don't have to hold on to it quite so much’ – Lucian Freud

This quote serves as a reminder to let go of what no longer serves me, to move forward with intention and enjoy the flow.

It is so easy to forget the child-like joy of discovering through creativity, especially when it has been schooled out of us as we grow. An inner critic comes into play voicing their mean opinions about what we are doing; teaching us to perfect our work before revealing it to the world. This can stem our flow and we tend to forget the importance of being vulnerable and open with our ventures, sometimes just keeping our creativity safe and hidden from criticism, chiefly our own.

For me, oil painting was reserved for the “Masters” – people who knew what they were doing. Even though my credentials suggest I might be perfectly able to use this medium, I felt inferior. When I left my teaching job last year, I decided to take an oil painting course and invest in myself, rather than for my career. This course confronted me head on with my inner critic, the voice who was telling me to avoid oil paints for fear of judgement.

The process of painting a Master like Freud further challenged me let go of my ego and the fear that came with painting him, like him, and not being good enough. I had to persevere and break down this daunting task and just immerse myself in his expressive brushstrokes and impasto style, thickly laid like segments of flesh. Slowly and surprisingly his face emerged from the layers and once his eyes flickered on and stared back at me, I felt I had grown closer to understanding what I was doing and the artist I had always revered.

I discovered that the joy of using oil paints is that they are ever-changing, malleable and with one flick of a paintbrush, the subject is transformed. Flowing with this material re-taught me a fundamental lesson about creativity - journeying with the tide rather than against it is where true magic lies. My gripping fear, control and scrutiny over my ability had hindered me from trying, making mistakes and learning from them. This was what I was consistently instilling in my students - take a risk, the adventure is in the unfolding.

Willing to unlearn the lessons which keeps us safe from failure and instead dare to attempt or re-attempt something is brave and strong. It is also hard because we want to be good. Perhaps while we build up confidence, we can learn to break down tasks into more manageable ones. We can then scaffold our way up and challenge our inner critic to be kind and rewarding as we grow.

Lockdown afforded people an opportunity to try something new or pick up a shelved project. Maybe it’s time to find something which peaks your interest. Remember there’s no failure in trying, there are just missed opportunities.

Thank you Lucian Freud for filling the world with your vision.

Thank you to The Art Academy for facilitating my learning and giving me the confidence to finally play with oil paints.

@theartacademylondon

@nicholas.mcleod