The Heroine's Journey stage 3

 
Road of Trials, acrylic, ink on paper, 2020

Road of Trials, acrylic, ink on paper, 2020

When I thought about this stage of The Heroine’s Journey, it took me on a mental journey back to some difficult work relationships, from oppressive bosses to colleagues who went from being my ally to saboteur. It triggered stale feelings of inadequacy, judgement and the dreaded imposter syndrome! I don’t think it was the healthiest rumination.

For some time, I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough and couldn’t survive in professional environments. It has taken me years to realise that I was actually in some very toxic situations, where at the best of times I wasn’t seen or supported and at the worst, I was bullied. It left me feeling inadequate and weak, but after some research and insightful webinars, I came to realise that it was not me that was weak, but I was in a system which did not make space for me and my ideas. This left me with little room to grow and bloom into my full potential.

It was tough to convey this maze of complicated emotions in a piece of art. I looked at stereotype ogres and demons (some old bosses came to mind) and toyed with the idea of incorporating this type of imagery. My initial sketches looked like a terrible storyboard for a cartoon which thankfully would never be made. I then revisited the theme of an eye, as seen in The Rising Space, and used it to reference my point of view.

I saw the blocks which stood in the way of my success and self-empowerment as a labyrinth of individual marks, each representing a hurdle. They amassed to make a bigger more shadowy entity. For me, it captures the power of the internal struggle and plight to succeed and be seen despite these setbacks.

I looked at the shadow again and realised it is not ominous. It doesn’t define me, you, or anyone, or prove that there is a pattern to our struggles or failures. It’s a rich tapestry of exploration towards understanding what we need in order to grow and discover our own worth.

I’ll end on a quote by Brené Brown, who perfectly summarises this – ‘The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.’

A4 and A3 Giclée Fine Art prints of Road of Trials are available to buy in the shop. Please click here.

 
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